Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
