There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
