I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
