nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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