I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
