In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just blew my weed a kiss
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
