I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
