so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
