You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
