8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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