I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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