We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
