I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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