I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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