Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
