I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
