your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i don't like sucking hair
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
