come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
