I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
