He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How's work?
Spinning.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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