I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
