I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
