i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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