Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
