I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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