Christians are straight up FREAKS
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
