it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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