bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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