I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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