dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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