She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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