wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
