I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
