I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
