I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
