I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
