my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
