I got chris browned last night
this boner is exhausting
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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