but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
