Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
