K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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