I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
