shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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