Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
