You just made me feel so damn special
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
