Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
