I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
