I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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