Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
