We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize