Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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