i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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