as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
