Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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