You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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