Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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