My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
