Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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