You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think people are normalizing furries
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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