Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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