omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
